ColumnsEssay

De Parels van het IDFA 2016

Whitney Marcial

Ik was niet in de gelegenheid om de het filmfestival te bezoeken in Amsterdam. De wondere wereld van het internet heeft het me in ieder geval wel mogelijk gemaakt om de twee parels te ontdekken. Beiden met stellen de vrouw, schoonheid en haar psyche centraal in een wereld waarin de vergankelijk van ons bestaan zo veel mogelijk verbloemd dient te worden.

  • A Family Affair
    Over een moeder, een oma, geobsedeerd door de spiegel en verliefdheid. Haar kleinzoon, Tom Fassaert vliegt naar Zuid Afrika om haar beter te leren kennen en antwoorden te vinden. De vluchtigheid waarmee ze door emoties raast is herkenbaar voor een kind van een gepassioneerde moeder. Ik zal nooit zeggen dat haar psychische staat in de buurt komt van oma Marianne. Wel verteld ze het verhaal van ouder worden in een wereld waar jong zijn anders is dan jong zijn in de vijftiger jaren. De snelheid van ons bestaan is terug te vinden online en offline kabbelt alles rustig voort. Waar je vroeger twee grote modebladen had heb je nu Instagram, Twitter en alle andere social media platformen als concurrent. Het wegkijken en het niet onder ogen willen zien van je patronen, pijntjes en trauma’s resulteert in een portret van een excentrieke vrouw.
  • A Strange Love Affair With Ego
    In deze film wordt het leven van vier vrouwen weergegeven. Een van de vrouwen is Rowan, de zus van de regisseur Ester Gould. Waar ligt de grens tussen eigenwaarde en egocentrisme of narcisme? En in hoeverre beïnvloed dit de keuzes die je maakt. De beelden slepen je mee en laten wederom een universele wereld zien waarin social media en de ‘selfienation’ een duistere wending kan nemen. Je grip op de realiteit verliezen en waangedachtes als gevolg daarvan zijn voor sommige het eindstation en geen ‘fase in hun leven’. De vraag die bij mij omhoog komt is vrij simpel; hoe vaak kijk ik weg als ik iemand zie verdrinken in z’n eigen spiegelbeeld?

Niet zo lang geleden heb ik een totaal onverwachte wending in mijn leven meegemaakt. Wanneer er een plottwist plaatsvindt en hoofdpersonen verdwijnen of weer terugkomen uit het verleden. Dat is fijn, verwarrend en in mijn geval heel erg helend. Ik heb een jaar lang in een door mannen gedomineerde wereld gewerkt en sinds een aantal weken wordt ik grotendeels omringd door vrouwen. Het voelt als een warm bad en ik kan eindelijk erkennen dat het als een verademing voelt om met zorgzame, gevoelige wezens samen te werken. Een verademing en confronterend tegelijkertijd. Ik denk dat ik me grotendeels hierdoor aangetrokken voelde tot deze twee parels van het IDFA 2016.

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Essay

Next Chapter – How To Break Free From Toxic People

Whitney Marcial

When Oprah Winfrey decided it was time to quit her talkshow and build her own network she never thought It would literally signify a whole new way of living life. For me it might not be like that completely but one thing is certain,  never going back to the life I had before. So while I’m finishing my last exam and writing my thesis I realize that the only person that is holding you back in life always is the one in the mirror. In my case I have been surrounding myself with people who threat my badly because I felt comfortable surrounding myself with those who treated me just a little bit better than I threat myself. Do you catch my drift?

So back in the winter of 2011 I founded an online magazine called Nulverbaal. It literally felt like I got inspired to start interviewing people and inspire others with their honest story. This was before the Humans of … series started and I always felt like not only was I living in the wrong city, I was raised in the wrong country. Anyway back to the magazine, with a small group of creatives in Rotterdam we made it possible to not only get a lot of peoples attentions, we also inspired a lot of souls.

While I was really living it up in my early twenties and focusing on a lot creative projects I fell in love numerous times. The funny thing is those crushes all  have one thing in common.

In the beginning it was all sweet and fun, then when they realize that I was not planning on  dumbing myself down to make them comfortable the emotional abuse started, mirroring my internal monologue.

When people say abuse a lot of women might think of Jennifer Lopez getting beaten by her on screen husband in the movie Enough. In reality it could work like that but in my case the majority of abuse was something that was done on a mental level. The day you realize that you’re not depressed but are surrounding yourself with people who suppress your flow (with your consent of course) that’s when you will know true freedom. I’m no victim at all but the amount of abuse I have endured from men and female’s who always felt the need to put me down, tell me off, or make me feel insecure in some type of way. I thank you. Because of you I realized I am more powerful beyond words.

Those who feel threatened by your presence, who feel the need to put you own for no apparent reason. The wounded once might be the biggest supporters I will ever meet… because they saw the greatness in me, before I even knew what my mission was on this planet. Thank you for the bullshit, the fights, the remarks, the non-understanding, the laughs, the disrespect. Not only did you made it very easy for me to start loving myself, I also kept writing, my biggest passion, my biggest gift, maby in silence but hey I learned a long time ago that the perception I have of myself is and always will be greater than the perception other people have of me, thank you Ralph Smart, that really resonated.

Tip Number 1 – They Feel Happy For Your Happiness
Whenever you feel so happy about something that happens in your life, the first person you feel like sharing the news with that rains on your parade is the first one that has to go. Don’t let anybody tell you that you don’t deserve whatever it is that you accomplished.

Tip Number 2 – They Show Up For Themselves First
So you started a new relationship, with a colleague, a friend or a possible lover. Watch the signs. Can they be happy for your happiness, can they be sad for your sadness, can they truly be there with you whenever you are growing through something? Those who have healed their wounds know how to be there for you because they always show up for themselves first.

Tip Number 3 – They Will Never Disrespect You 
Those remarks that stuck with you whenever you feel like you had your guard down. Well guess what, those who truly love you for you will never put you down, not even wrapped up in a joke. And if you ever confront them with the hurtful or stupid remark they will always tell you that it was a joke, you shouldn’t be so sensitive and so on. Trust your gut on this one. Why would you judge a person that you perceive through loving eyes?

Tip Number 4 – Heal Yourself First
Do not make anyone else responsible for your happiness but yourself. A phrase you might heard of before but what does it mean? Well a lot people project their pain and hurt unto others. It is good to know that whenever you encounter a level of hurt or disrespect externally it always started somewhere internally. No one can abuse you more than you abuse yourself. Once you get that, and start allowing the love for yourself to flow, those people will walk out of your life or you will. It is impossible to be surrounded by wounded people and be the only one who is completely healed. You attracted what you are and in the end we are just consciousness experiencing itself. Don’t waste your time taking a picnic in hell. Explore, walk on and realize that heaven and hell are a feeling, thinking, perceiving state, it is within us not outside.

My advice to my younger self would be to take back the power. Heal the relationships you have with you close family members. Let them love you and in return you will experience what unconditional love. Now if you have a nurturing mother (most of us do luckily) watch her love you, feel her love you and listen to the meaning behind her words. I feel like the biggest note to my younger self would be mummy does know best most of the times. In a world where individuality is praised it feels good to realize we as humans live in groups and need our own community. Make sure to know the difference between the roots and the leaves. And in the meantime realize that we all have a group of souls that guide us through our path called life. Embrace yourself, accept the good and the bad, eat healthy foods, drink alkaline water, meditate, take care of your temple and watch how your unique soul tribe will slowly but surely come together.

whitneymarcial

Shot by my soulsister, my babysister who is ten years my junior Latisha Conrads.

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Treintories

Treintories

Whitney Marcial

Wat de meesten mensen wel weten is dat ambitie en Whitney hand in hand gaan. Vanaf het moment dat ik mezelf heb leren uiten is het ontiegelijk hard gegaan. Door schade en schande hheb ik geleerd wanneer volledig voor iets te gaan en wanneer niet. Intrinsieke motivatie kun je niet kopen of om hopen. Je hebt het of je hebt het niet. Bless the Child that God his own. Een treinreis met mijn grote zus, mijn confident, mijn rechterhand of linkerbil; prachtig gesprek over onze carriere en werk an sich. Ik hoop dat je er niet zoveel van kunt genieten als wij hebben gedaan. – Whitney Marcial

We zijn bevriend geraakt vanwege onze liefde voor radio maken. Afgelopen zomer hebben Whitney en ik onze 1e podcast gemaakt over carriere maken, dromen die soms uitkomen en soms ook niet, berusting en iets wat lijkt op beginnende volwassenheid. Enjoy! – Xanadu Dijks

Beluister het gesprek hier.

Whitneymarcial-XanaduDijks

Concept, edit & text by Xanadu Dijks

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Columns

When it all comes tumbling down — how to let go

Whitney Marcial

Have you ever had a moment of silence, where everything you ever believed in turned out to be you lying to yourself? Refusing to acknowledge the feeling that has been slowly but surely taken over your dominant emotional state. Okay, lets begin. After two years of trying to make a relationship work, my partner and I decided to go our own separate ways.

We met on Tinder, I know right, who knew that the free mobile dating app could ever work. Well it did and it was one of the best experiences of my life. From the moment we met we where emotionally attached to one another. You red that right. Emotionally attached like a newborn baby craves the love of her or his mother. We finally found the one thing we couldn’t find in ourselves; unconditional love. No matter how depressed we were, we tried to believe in each others process and tried to be the nurturing loving partner towards each other.

Both our careers started to blossom and we moved from a one bedroom apartment to a beautiful home with a huge garden. Everything that I ever wanted to experience when it came to life and love was happening. The only thing that missing was that good feeling that we once had right at the beginning.

So yes I have never loved a men like this before. And I will always love him for trying to make something work that was never supposed to last. Our bond was more of a best-friend vibe instead of true-passionate-lovers. I feel like we helped each other a lot, learned a lot about myself and everything I thought I wanted. By going through the contrast, by being depressed and getting out of that black hole. Be being my own savior instead of relying on him to save me. Like the princess who gets rescued by the prince on the white horse. I don’t believe in that type of programming anymore. The only thing that was clear to me is that the summer of 2016 helped me appreciate my loving friends, the sisterhood. Every single woman I interacted with in the past year helped me, maby without them even realizing it. And you know what to all the readers out there, I still believe in love, I will always believe in love. You know why? Because the love of my life turns out to be me and nobody else. I find it a lot easier to turn to family, friends, sisters for nurturing because I learned how to first nurture myself.

Out of the blue, when I was doing something I really really love to though I met someone. Someone special, someone I feel like I’ve met before. When you can connect with another human being on a spiritual, mental and heart-level you’re blessed and if it physically also turns out to be a match you are experiencing the divine sacred relationship-unions that are starting to happen even more across the globe. Something is in the air, that is one thing that’s for sure. Trying to let go of everything that’s not authentic, real or just doesn’t feel right. And every single day I realized that if something or someone isn’t adding to you life they are taking away from it. Choose wisely, who you decide to spend your time with. Your time, emotions and energy is something you can mind and take care of. Until next time, I leave you all with a lot of love, guidance, peace and balance. Whatever is coming in 2017 is going to be huge. Purge and make the most out of the last few weeks of October. Letting go of everything that is no longer serving us. Thank god of the sisterhood. Being supported by other women is the best experience of 2016. Thank you.

Illustration by: Ben Biayenda

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Fotografie

Portas

Whitney Marcial

Because the obsession that I have with doors is more than just a compulsive behavior. Its rooted in the need to always have a way out or way in. Those who dream do look outside and we the illuminated ones, washed by signs and intentions, it is us who came to open the doors. Especially those we are not supposed to mind.

From: Portas by Whitney Marcial

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Inspiratie

Never Not Eating

Whitney Marcial

Whitney_burger

In een wereld waarin dun zijn enorm wordt gewaardeerd is het fijn om te eten en van elke hap te genieten. Ik ben niet dun, nooit geweest en laat me niet meer teisteren door de zoveelste diëten. Voedsel is voor mij een basisbehoefte en niet meer mijn grootste vijand. Na acht jaar dansacademie af te zijn is het fijn om te kunnen zeggen dat ik bevrijd ben van de dwangmatige gedachtes rondom eten. Bevrijd van het schuldgevoel, zet ik mijn tanden hier in een overheerlijke mini-burger.

– Never Not Eating

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Fotografie

Ambitieuze Meisjes

Whitney Marcial

Dinsdag 28 juni 2016

Ik kan een heel betoog houden over hoe fijn het is om met vrouwen samen te komen. Netwerken, filosoferen, liefdevol aandacht geven en alles behalve een ‘catfight’ een van de meest anti-vrouwvriendelijke termen. Ik kan vertellen hoe fijn het was om complimenten te krijgen, advies aan te horen en te weten dat een positieve attitude een van de voorwaarde is om een succesvol bedrijf op te richten. Ik kan zoveel vertellen; alleen kies ik ervoor om de beelden voor zich te laten spreken. Een magische avond met bijzondere vrouwen. – Whitney Marcial

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Ambitieuze Meisjes Zwolle 2016
Meer informatie over Ambitieuze Meisjes? Klik hier.

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